THE TIMES Article Here

My TIMES Article ‘Wasted Youth’

Just found an old newspaper which featured an article I had written for The Times newspaper in 2006.

I was asked to write about my eating disorder, as part of the UK’s Eating Disorder Awareness week, I had been sugarcoated for weeks by the magazines journalist, who promised to help me with a book I was writing.

Only to find Monday morning, my photo appearing with the headline ‘WASTED YOUTH’ on the front page, I was embarrassed, and felt I had been taken advantage off.

I only took the offer, of the promise of getting help with my book, I can assure you I was never paid to take part, nor was I ever offered any help/support for my book.

It was a start of my adventures in the media world, where I learned people will use and abuse you no matter, if your young or ill, if a journalist has to use a headline to sell papers, they will do it.

I guess I can say…. within hours my face was used to wrap some greasy fish and  chips…….. which also sums my life as well… LOL

C’est La Vie and FUCK YOU ‘THE TIMES’

G-A-Y Late….. Drunk And I Meet A Boy!

An Italian……

The conversation started over me asking did he have a spare cigarette, and lighter, (CHEEKY QUESTION, BUT HEY IT GOT THE BALL ROLLING) he was charming, very handsome, works in Science………….

Tourist (sniff, sniff)

But apparently comes to London, every month to work, which is nice…

Now its not even possible to have a relationship as its too long distance, but he did teach me a thing or two…

when we exchanged numbers, he got out an old Nokia, I gasp “No Iphone? No Grindr” he laughed…

“No I prefer to meet real guys, and not be let down after building up a huge expectation”

He was right……… I have since deleted all my SHAG aps, and want to try meet guys how mother nature intended us to meet….. IN PERSON, NOT BY A SEXY OVER EDITED PHOTO.

Maybe the Italian was not meant for me as a husband, but he certainly did teach me a thing or two about life……. and was a great Italian Stallion in bed also (but hey I never kiss n tell……… well not about good guys anyways)

You Can Take Me To A Posh Club…………. But!

But I am still always going to be a HOLE IN THE JEANS, KINDA GAL!

Had a great night yesterday with my friend Sebastian at Covent Garden’s Hospital Club.

It was a carnival themed night, and of course In true Thomas-James Fisher style I turned up in jeans with a hole in the crouch, and a old mighty mouse t-shirt that I have no idea were it came from as was miles too big for me.

Maybe an old shag left it in my room?

Anyways, I ended up in G-A-Y Late…… wait for the next blog to read what happened next.

What Ever Happened???

Life is not about being strong, lucky, or happy. It's about doing the right thing
and making the right choices. When you look in a mirror there are two faces looking
back. The man and the child. The child will always be there, but it should know its
place and remain firmly in the shadow. The man will always be in focus unless of
course the man chooses that the child will look back. What does this mean? Well 
it states the obvious that the child is always within us. 

The child willconsume all without giving back. The child will think only of its 
self and take credit for good and excuse the bad. The child will always take first 
and give nothing back. It forgets that it is not really the centre of the universe
just the star in his father's eye! Sometimes the star that shines so brightly can 
fade into the blackness of the night sky. The man can step forward and take control, 
he can reenergise the light and become what he has always been the star in his 
fathers eye.

The choice is yours

Yesterdays HIV Checkup

So yesterday I went for my 6 monthly HIV test results (NEGATIVE)

But sitting in the waiting area got me thinking and giggling at how strange people actually are.

I am sitting in the middle armchair, I have a skinny dirty looking guy to my right and a overweight girl to my left.

The noise of Grindr is blasting away from the guy on my right, who clearly is not taking this checkup seriously and is more interested to find his next shag (I hope its somebody dirty also) as the guy stinks to hell of BO.

The Girl to my left got called up for her checkup, she spots a 5p coin on the floor as she walks with the doctor, after 15 minutes she returns to pick up the 5p coin, puts it in her purse and excites the building (CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP)

I am called up next, as I walk with the doctor, an older gentleman comments how nice my bum is………. I roll my eyes.

Gotta love having a sexual health checkup done…

Never a boring day in my life!

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Nam-myoho-renge-Kyo

Nam-myoho-renge-Kyo

Nam-myoho-renge-Kyo

So this week my friend took me to a Buddhist meeting.

At first I was very skeptical as I thought it would be a bunch of brainwashed people who have falling into another religious cult, but  seeing as in life I feel very lost, I thought it might help me to relax/find myself or at-least relax for an hour or two.

The meeting started with the Nam-myoho-renge-Kyo followed by a number of different readings. It was nice to see people passionate about what they believed it.

After chanting the discussion was about how Buddhism has changed our lives.

I decided to be honest and tell them that It was my first time their, and right now I am lost and finding the light again in my life….. I had a couple of people smile at me and telling me I will be fine, their was two gay guys in the group, who looked at me with discuss and I can clearly see them judging me (I thought Buddhists) were peaceful/non judgement people, but I guess taking a gay from Soho, does not make them any less than a bitch!

I enjoyed it, I felt welcomed, it was only after we started to leave, my relaxing evening came about converting and becoming a full-time member…. THIS IS NOT WHAT I LIKE!!

I guess my search to find inner piece shall continue!

For All The Money In The World

Someone once asked me what I really wanted.

I said a Ferrari. Then I said what I really wanted was to smile and mean it. To laugh at nothing, and live for a little time without a care in the world.

Then I said I’d better stick with the Ferrari!! I look at people laughing, smiling, and care free and I feel envious and very distant from their world.

I wonder whether I will ever feel that way again. It’s really sad but those people who I watch are beyond the realms of wealthy because such emotions can bot be bought.

From – To + How Life Can Change….

My friend called me today………… He has just been dignosed with HIV……

His tears gave me a pulling feeling inside my chest………

I know my post might offend people suffering from HIV… and I really hope it does not, but I promise you all, I would never go out my way to hurt somebody’s feelings.

This friend, was not just a friend, I have not seen him in over a year…. I guess you could say we was drinking buddies with MAJOR sexual benefits…

I have had a HIV scare myself, and I found it terrifying, even with the msgs saying “Don’t worry, its fine, just take the meds, and you will live a long life” I could only think to myself…. yes Long, but will it be happy?

My friend is question is not on any of my social media profiles, otherwise I would never write this blog…… My feelings turned to anger, when he suggested that we could continue to see each-other… and have BB (no condom) sex together….

When I said are you kidding me….. you should wear a condom……….

His reply was “LOL stop being frigged”

Shouly not wearing protection is the reason he got into this place in the first place right???

(I’m sorry that’s not suppose to offend)

I just think regardless of people with or without HIV, people don’t take their health/life people seriously….

When finding out people don’t go for regular checks, I find it disgusting…. to risk somebody’s life and their idiotic reply “I never knew I had it” just does not work anymore, expecially with the free health checks we get into this country.

I am sad to say I have no value in my life…. I think I am fat and UGLY and worthless yet why am I so afraid and judgmental about people who clearly don’t value theirs ever???

My mind seems to be a ticking BOMB of thoughts………… thoughts that’s scare me!

Today I lost a little more of my  protective bubble………………

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

I write this blog as I return home from the East Block Party, In Old Street….

I stood dancing inside the club, with no idea who I was or who I had become…

I see friends happy to be together, and remember I was once one of these people who had no care in the world and was happy within the moment…

Am I just getting Older or have I become lost?

I look at old pictures of when I moved to London and see a different person…. a happy person, maybe not confident, but a person who was happy and somebody strong.

I feel so weak,….. I am afraid but I don’t know what I am afraid off…

I judge people,…… but not to be bitchy….. I don’t know why I judge them…………. 

I feel as if I am in a K hole……….. But I didn’t take any drugs….

Whats wrong with me???

WHY CANT I JUST RELAX AND BE HAPPY?

Why do I care so much for others…….

BUT NOT MYSELF?

Just Saw A Mouse…..

In my bedroom….

I wish I could say I was man enough to Kill the little fucker…

But I screamed like a lil girl till it ran away…

#ONEOFTHOSEMOMENTS

MY VIEW ON SEX!!!

Sex is like wine never bad just some far better than others

Friends, Acquaintances and Phone Number Collectors…

I sit in my room, looking threw my Facebook and My Phone……

Over 700 Facebook friends, Only 70 Numbers….

Man I feel Like a total looser

I lost my phone recently and asked people to msg me with their number, a selection of people did and the rest……….. well guess they are just a FB number.

I can see the people who care and ask how I am, and the people who ask if I wanna join them to get drunk, the rest of the numbers….. collects dusts, if thats even possible in cyber world….

The world seems to become a darker place the older you become

I miss the times of seeing things as a giant bubble, and sitting in my bedroom when sick saying out load “Please god, make me better, make me better” and having the innocents to believe he/she would…….

On my way home I went to boots and bought some witchhazel, and I smelled it, it made me remember my late nana who would give this to me when I fell over and scraped my knee…. she would tell me it was a witch’s potion that would make me better…

How I miss those days.

The Twink Within Has Gone!

I remember in summer 1998, when Ginger Spice walked out on The Spice Girls, her reason for leaving was she left she could no longer live her fantasy character, and she needed to be herself…

And up until recently I never quite new what It meant to live life within a character…

BUT I now  feel as if I have done the same, Since moving to London, I was court up in wearing a super large bag, tight TIGHT t-shirts, and super TIGHT skinny Jeans, I wanted to look as young as possible, I wanted to be part of the TWINK crowd….

I don’t want this lonely lifestyle anymore….

It’s taken me many years to finally admit I feel countable within my skin…….. I enjoy being around good people, and the GAY DRAMA of who said what, just does not interest me anymore…….

I feel I have a heart full of LOVE, and one day I believe I will find that person for me…………. Until that day, I will focus on loving myself…

“It’s Time To Love Yourself”

I have not been feeling my best of late, with having a serious Kidney Infection and all….

Taking a large amount of pills is taking pills with my mood and feeling tired 24/7 but hey C’est La Vie!!!

I just keep thinking back to what the doctor told me on Saturday….. “It’s Time To Love Yourself”

I never quite knew what it meant to love yourself, I started making lists of all the bad things I have done to my body…. Drinking too much / smoking over 30 a day…. taken Drugs….. all things I thought would give me a day or two side effects……. but maybe this is my body’s way of saying “THOMAS, SERIOUSLY STOP HURTING ME” which is doctors terms means to Love Myself???

Hmmm I feel so confused right now……………….

A Fat Ginger Kid…….

Just walked past me in the street picking his nose……..

I looked at him with discuss as I remember…………

The Fat Ginger Kid, was once ME!!!

Friends, Acquaintances and Phone Number Collectors…

I sit in my room, looking threw my Facebook and My Phone……

Over 700 Facebook friends, Only 70 Numbers….

Man I feel Like a total looser

I lost my phone recently and asked people to msg me with their number, a selection of people did and the rest……….. well guess they are just a FB number.

I can see the people who care and ask how I am, and the people who ask if I wanna join them to get drunk, the rest of the numbers….. collects dusts, if thats even possible in cyber world….

The world seems to become a darker place the older you become

I miss the times of seeing things as a giant bubble, and sitting in my bedroom when sick saying out load “Please god, make me better, make me better” and having the innocents to believe he/she would…….

On my way home I went to boots and bought some witchhazel, and I smelled it, it made me remember my late nana who would give this to me when I fell over and scraped my knee…. she would tell me it was a witch’s potion that would make me better…

How I miss those days.